Monday (sponsored by Coke) March 15th, 2053.
Dear KindleDiary – today we visited the “High Street”, which was like, totes amazeballs, as I haven’t left the house since Googleuary!
It was our annual VirtuaSchool day out, so they said we had to leave our home (which was, like, really weird and that) and catch a Hoverbus to High Street to see how people lived back in the old days.
I was totally GaGa’d by it, although I didn’t see loads of it, as I had to make sure I kept an eye on my FaceTwit, in case someone posted a vidz of an amusing cat, or said something that made me LOL.
There were Giraffes and stuff wandering around these abandoned buildings, which were sort of like distribution centres, but people actually used to visit them to buy stuff. I. KNOW. Completely Bieber, isn’t it?! Apparently, back then you couldn’t see everything instantly on the tubes, so people actually went out EVERY DAY to look at things, before buying them. Losers!
Once the Zoos closed, because everyone knew everything about animals and stuff because of that old Professor bloke... Brian Cox! (You know - the one with the white hair and far-away gaze) being on the tubes every day, all the boring animals got out, and are thriving in these places they used to call Towls. Or something.
Anyway, the 3DTeach said that it all started when the Shoppes starting closing, like the HMVees, where they sold actual things that had, like, music and vidz on them! You had to take these disc-things and put them into a machine and wait to see or hear it... and they only held a few things! I. KNOW. Stupidious, right? No wonder they shut! Losers.
Anyway, after we’d looked at this boring stuff, we went to a CostaBucks enclave, where some of the really old people still go, to huddle together and drink their Bucketachinos, and talk about what it was like when they were young in 2013. It must have been REALLY rubbish. One of them told me that looking at stuff on their ‘phonz’ (which were a kind of early form of entertainment) used to take loads of seconds to load, and there wasn’t always a signal. I. KNOW. Dark Ages or what?!
It’s so much better now we all live in the countryside instead – apparently, there’s a ‘park’ near our house, although I’ve never been. Outside freaks me out a bit, and there’s weather stuff happening too. Like, who wants to get wet an’ that? That’s why it’s awesomeness that we can just stay in our homes. These Towl places sound like they were really rubbish, and you had to deal with people who you hadn’t even Friended. Who’d do that? It’s disgusting.
Anyway... I’d better go. We’re having Cowsagna for dinner. Mum said it came from something called a Hors, but I said she was stupid: It came from Amaztesco, like everything else does. Old people are stupid. I. KNOW.
Save and log....
It's possible that this post first appeared in the North West Evening Mail in my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column, on the 19th of April. Unfortunately, it hasn't appeared on their website yet, and I don't get the paper until it arrives in the post on Monday, as I can't get it in our village.
The other possibility is that this one was just TOO weird, and they decided against putting it in. After all, there are gullible people who might actually believe it is 2053, and no-one ever goes out any more.
I could have written an entire book on this subject, with pages of entries from a teenager of the future - it's certainly a fertile subject. You only have to slightly exaggerate how things are now, and take them one step further, to come up with a rather scary vision of how it could be not so very far from now.
Maybe I should write a book. What do you think..?
(Headbanging brilliance from Status Quo on the stereo this afternoon. They may not be trendy, but there are bloody good fun.)
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