grumpyf1

Wotcha. S'pose you want to know what the driver and team statistics were for the thrilling European GP. Oh, go on then... Naughty corner: Anyone who thinks going back to the Valencia circuit is likely to result in an interesting race... Hero: Did you watch all of the race without nodding off? Seriously? You, then. Definitely. Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was... you guessed it... Vettel, with 26. The top three drivers so far are Vettel on 193, Webber with 142 and Button on 129. 8 races in and Maldonado still hasn’t bagged an FF1 point. Just to remind you – you get points for moving up a place from where you started in the race... The top three teams so far are Red Bull on 194, McLaren with 165 and Renault on 130. Toro Rosso move up to 6 th courtesy of Alguersuarus. Ahead of Mercedes! Ollie C manages the impressive feat of adding himself to the top 3 high scores for second time... with the same score of 96 as he got once before. At the other end of the spect...

Last time I did a race review, you needed a tea-break part way through it was so long, and I needed finger massage after to ease the numbness. After a season of excitement, and the most thrilling race for a couple of years in Canada, hopes weren't high for Valencia. Remarkably, it managed to be even duller than anticipated. At a circuit that featured one exciting event last year when Webber successfully changed down-under into up-above and was otherwise a snooze-fest of epic proportions, it was hoped that regulation changes, DRS, tricky tyres and a software crack-down might liven things up a bit. It did. A bit. But only a bit. To be fair, Vettel's dominance isn't helping matters any, and he was once again on pole, with Webber 2nd, Hamilton 3rd with Alonso and Massa behind, trailed by a disappointed Button. At the start, Seb nipped off into the metaphorical sunset, whilst Rosberg managed a fine start from 7th. Button made a great pass on Britney on Lap 6 and his team-...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Ngh?! What...?! Oh, has it finished? Who won? Seb? There's a shocker. Well hello kidliwinkies! Did we all have a nice snooze whilst the European GP was taking place? Never mind - the British GP in two weeks will be much more interesting. It'll probably rain for starters. So here are the scores on the doors from this race (people called Aaron or Jon - look away now): And the all-important running total after 8 rounds... Nope, I don't understand why I'm still at the top either, especially with THAT score. Race report to follow - it shouldn't take long eh? Mind you, there's a new Top Gear on later on BBC2. One has to get one's priorities right, doesn't one? (Musical accompaniment this evening courtesy of a compilation LP called "Stairway To Heaven/Highway To Hell", featuring assorted poodle-haired rock types.)

Well, hello. How the devil are you? No, that's too much information - shut up now. On to the matter at hand, the small but beautifully formed grab bag of other stuff to do with Fantasy F1 and the Canadian GP. Here's those jolly fascinating driver and team stats for starters! Naughty corner: Whoever makes shoe soles in Canada. Those poor marshals. That must have hurt. Hero: For the second race in a row, my vote goes to JB. That was the drive of a champion, and he took Lewis and Nando out too. Result! Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was Button with a stonking 47 points. (Honourable mention for Alguersuari who, virtually unnoticed, went from starting in the pit lane to 8th place and bagged 24 FF1 points in the process.) The top three drivers so far are Vettel on 168, Webber with 127 and Button (up 2) on 121. Heidfeld drops out of the top three. Maldonado still hasn’t managed a single FF1 point this season. The top three teams so far are Red Bull on 168, McLaren wi...

Got anywhere to be for the next hour? No? Good. First up, a couple of simple facts. Most F1 races in Canada are pretty damn good. Antiques Roadshow is a bit dull. Well, this time one of them was beyond the most hopeful of expectations. And the other wasn’t on at all because of the former... In the lead-up to the race, F1 had got itself into a spot of bother again with the Bahrain GP being on, off, on and off again more often that Ryan Giggs’s underpants, but with that political mess finally put to bed (Bahrain, not Giggs) we at last had the excitement of the practice sessions. Perez turned up after his horrible Monaco shunt, declared himself fit and raring to go, then oddly did a few laps and changed his mind. Sauber bizarrely didn’t have their reserve driver with them, so whilst one of the team distracted Martin Whitmarsh, Peter Sauber nipped into the McLaren garage and kidnapped Pedro de la Rosa and shoved the bemused Spaniard into the cockpit before he’d realised what was hap...

And now, an excerpt from the BBC coverage of the Canadian Grand Prix: Yes David, I do think HobNobs are delicious, but I think Digestives are better. You're wrong Martin - definitely HobNobs. I've got a packet here... Really? How many are in there? Hang on - I'll count them. 1. 2. 3. 4..... (some time later) 14. There's 14 HobNobs. Fascinating. Coincidentally, that's the number of points Felipe Massa has scored this year. Amazing statistic there. Brilliant. Thanks. What time is it? Erm.... Tuesday. Quite a race, eh? Look at me - I just broke out into a big grin again just thinking about it. Five and a half hours of F1 coverage, 20 laps of brilliant racing and a stunning comeback by Button. Fabulous. Anyway, as it went on so damn late, I've only just started sorting out the results, so here you go - first up: who scored what: And the all-important running total (NB: Look away away now unless you want to see massive smugness emanating from this...