Australian Grand Prix - Vettel on top down under

Crikey, there’s a lot going on in F1 2011, isn’t there? Unless you’re Hispania of course.

DRS, KERS, tyre strategies and degradation rates, plus the fact of that young German chappie bagging pole by a substantial margin (and it then turned out he hasn’t even got KERS on the car) all made for an interesting qualifying session on Saturday. The McLaren boys breathed a planet-sized sigh of relief and finally came good after eating an octopus (or something), Petrov was pretty handily in the top 10, as was Kobayashi, whilst Schumi struggled, Rubens parked it, Sutil miraculously avoided a huge shunt and Heidfeld managed to go out in the first session. Oh, and Lotus were a bit crap, but not as crap at HRT, who didn’t make it round inside a fortnight of the other teams (or is its 107%? They mean pretty much the same thing in F1), and therefore suffered the F1 equivalent of “you can’t play on our track, you smell!”. No mileage = no chance to improve. Can anyone see them lasting the season?

And so, at stupid’o’clock UK time, the first race of the F1 season finally took place. Vettel took off like... well, Vettel really, and rapidly pulled out a lead, whilst Hamilton hung on in hot pursuit. Button found himself stuck behind Massa’s big-assed Ferrari and tried hard for lap after lap to get past, before impatience got the better of him and he had a go that resulted in him using a bit of spare track to complete the move. He later claimed he was in front, but the stewards heard the sound of jingling bells from their legs and gave him a drive-thru. Barrichello pulled off a beautiful move to nip between Kobayashi and Schumi for position, only to undo all his street-cred (and more) shortly afterwards by coming at Rosberg so late, he may as well have started his move last season. Another drive-thru was awarded. As expected, who needed tyres and how often became a central feature of the race, with the likes of Webber needing three stops, whilst newbie Perez somehow got by on one. Hamilton suffered a broken undertray, but it didn’t seem to slow him unduly, Whilst Petrov drove the race of his career to find himself heading for the podium and ahead Alonso, Webber and Button.

At the flag, Vettel won ominously comfortably from Hamilton, with Petrov (and Renault) a delighted 3rd, trailed by Alonso, Webber and Button. Perez and Kobayashi came in 7th and 8th, but later got dumped out of the race for illegal rear wing actuators. Yeah I know. Don’t you just hate it when the rear wing actuators are illegal? Bah. After their removal, Massa, Buemi, Sutil and di Resta rounded out the top 10, the latter getting his F1 career off to a good start.

In the commentary box, Brundle acquitted himself well on his first foray as lead commentator, and DC did OK, apart from saying “and bits and bobs” to end sentences a bit too often. Well, he is 40 now – you mind starts to go. It still seems unwise to let a man like Eddie Jordan have more airtime, considering his propensity to give three answers, only one of which has anything vaguely to do with the original question. Still, it’s bloody great to have F1 back, isn’t it?!

(Playing on the record machine tonight, the 12" version of "Little Lies" by Fleetwood Mac. Damn, those girls had big hair in the 80's!)

Making an exhibition of yourself

Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...

"It's all gone quiet..." said Roobarb

If, like me, you grew up (and I’m aware of the irony in that) in the ‘70s, February was a tough month, with the sad news that Richard Briers and Bob Godfrey had died. Briers had a distinguished acting career and is, quite rightly, fondly remembered most for his character in ‘The Good Life’. Amongst his many roles, both serious and comedic, he also lent his voice to a startling bit of animation that burst it’s wobbly way on to our wooden-box-surrounded screens in 1974. The 1970s seemed to be largely hued in varying shades of beige, with hints of mustard yellow and burnt orange, and colour TV was a relatively new experience still, so the animated adventures of a daft dog and caustic cat who were the shades of dayglo green and pink normally reserved for highlighter pens, must have been a bit of a shock to the eyes at the time. It caused mine to open very wide indeed. Roobarb was written by Grange Calveley, and brought vividly into life by Godfrey, whose strange, shaky-looking sty...

Suffering from natural obsolescence

You know you’re getting old when it dawns on you that you’re outliving technological breakthroughs. You know the sort of thing – something revolutionary, that heralds a seismic shift it the way the modern world operates. Clever, time-saving, breathtaking and life-changing (and featuring a circuit board). It’s the future, baby! Until it isn’t any more. I got to pondering this when we laughed heartily in the office about someone asking if our camcorder used “tape”. Tape? Get with the times, Daddy-o! If it ain’t digital then for-get-it! I then attempted to explain to an impossibly young colleague that video tape in a camcorder was indeed once a “thing”, requiring the carrying of something the size of a briefcase around on your shoulder, containing batteries normally reserved for a bus, and a start-up time from pressing ‘Record’ so lengthy, couples were already getting divorced by the time it was ready to record them saying “I do”. After explaining what tape was, I realised I’d ...

grumpyf1

Search This Blog