Hands up - You're surrounded by armed bastards

Chuffin' Nora!

Did ANYONE see that little lot coming?! Ashes To Ashes finished on Friday with a jaw-dropping finale in which... *sob* the Audi Quattro got killed. (Trembling lip here. Snuffle.)

Nuts to Lost - this was an epic bit of finale television. Unless you've seen it (or it's predecessor, Life On Mars) it's about a detective who (for Alex Drake at least) got shot and wakes up in the early '80s. If the nostalgia didn't do it for you, the time-travel bit didn't either, then surely the brilliant, arsey, sexist, grumpy, beligerent Gene Hunt must have.

Long story short (look away now if you haven't seen it yet!)... Alex is dead. Only she didn't know it. Jim was... er... an emissary of the devil(?) Sent to tempt Gene's crew to hell, Gene's loyal team were all in fact from different era's and were also all dead (but didn't know it), Gene hinself could be St Peter, helping lost souls to cross over, except maybe the barman at the ghostly boozer get's that title. Gene's also dead (shot in the face as a young PC) and buried on a hill, but it seems he's there to... help... people cross over. Alex and Sam Tyler before her weren't dead, but dying. Did I miss anything?

I'm really going to miss that show...

DI Alex Drake: You're taller than I imagined.
DCI Gene Hunt: I'm bigger in every department.

(More Motown tonight - The Four Tops, "I Got A Feeling")

Comments

Making an exhibition of yourself

Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...

Unstable Stables: Throw away the key

It’s comforting to know that there is one less threat to the people of Cumbria this week, following the conviction of white supremacist, Ethan Stables. The 20 year old from Barrow had planned to attack the town’s New Empire pub in June 2017, in the midst of a gay pride event. Despite social media posts saying he was “going to war” and planning to “slaughter”, online searches about how to make bombs and chemical poisons, and expressing hatred of Muslims, Jews and gay people, he claimed his online comments were merely to impress far-right friends. Fortunately, following Facebook posts about his intentions, the police were tipped off and armed officers intercepted him as he headed towards the pub. His aim was to kill anyone he found, with a machete. In a bizarre slip-up, Stables had erroneously added an innocent woman to his neo-Nazi Facebook group. When he vented his outrage at the Furness LGBT support group’s event, the shocked woman contacted the authorities. He’ll have ple...

Is it foggy? No.

When I get put in charge (which is bound to happen soon), I'm going to introduce a whole raft of new laws, for I shall be a just and fair ruler. I'm quite liking the title of 'Most Marvellous Emperor Of Sensible Regulations And Bountiful Lovingness Not To Mention Exceedingly Handsome', but it might be a bit long. On that basis, I'll settle for the more informal 'He Who Is Smashing' from my loyal subjects. Anyway, I digress. I do that sometimes - had you noticed? Here, then, is the first law that will introduced: grumpyf1 law No.1 - Turn your fog lights off, you complete git. Don't get me wrong; If it genuinely is foggy, fog lights are quite handy. The reason for introduction of this law is because 96% of the time (based on my own in-depth research) it isn't foggy when some utter cockwomble blinds you. This has always been a bit of a problem but in the last couple of years it seems to have escalated out of control, possibly because of the...

grumpyf1

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